


Butterflies

by sunriseandsunshine



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:48:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23557087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunriseandsunshine/pseuds/sunriseandsunshine
Summary: He sometimes wonders if his mom could sense it, even then as young as they were, that their friendship would be one to last a lifetime. He doesn’t remember what life was like before meeting him, as far as he’s concerned, his life began the day he met the curly-haired boy with a big, bright smile who lived next door.or Harry and Louis are childhood best friends who lose touch after graduation and reconnect years later.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 3
Kudos: 65





	Butterflies

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is my first ever (finished) larry fanfic so I hope u enjoy.

He still remembers the day he first saw Harry like it was yesterday. The moving truck had pulled up, kind of late in the night. Headlights had seeped in through the slit in his curtains. He pulled himself from the covers his mom had tucked around him tightly and peered through them. There was a little boy and a little girl getting out of the big truck while the adults started to move boxes inside. It was dark out so he couldn’t really make out what either of the kids looked like but he made a little note to ask his mom if they could go over and say hi the following morning. He snuggled back into his bed, racecar blanket tucked around him tightly again and thought about how excited he was to have another boy in the neighborhood to play with. That was a good memory. 

That morning he practically bounced through the house to find his mom and asked her if they could go over and say hi. She had said yes, but later, “Let them settle in a bit, Lou,” she had said softly while messing with his hair. He pouted a bit but said okay and went back up to his room. As he looked through his window, up on his tiptoes, he saw someone in the window across from his. It was the boy from last night. He waved, hoping maybe he’d look across and seem him but he never did. He ran back downstairs and begged his mom again. She gave in. 

The neighbor’s house had been for sale for a while, he remembers people coming over a lot to check it out but none of them sticking around. His mom knocked on their door, a bright crimson one with big windows and a silver doorknob, and stood quietly as she introduced herself and Louis. The lady, he guessed was the boy’s mom, was quite kind. She had bent down to his level and shook his tiny hands the best she could and said she had her own son around the same age. He asked if he could go meet him and his mom let him follow the woman up to the boy’s room. When he got to the room, the boy’s mom pushed it open with a light knock. And that’s when he learned his name. “Harry, this is Louis. He lives right next door.” 

“Hi,” he had said, a bright smile on his face. 

Harry hadn’t said anything but just looked at him, a smile similar to his own growing on his face. “Hi,” he mumbled. “Do you wanna play with me?” 

“Sure.” he walked over and looked at the toys Harry had taken out of the boxes in his room. “I love dinosaurs.” He picked up a small purple one and a big green one. 

Louis doesn’t know how long they played for that day but he remembers his mom smiling and saying they could play another day because it was time for them to eat dinner. They both hugged like they would never each other again and kept waving at each other as he left Harry’s house. His mom promised him they could play another time. He sometimes wonders if his mom could sense it, even then as young as they were, that their friendship would be one to last a lifetime. He doesn’t remember what life was like before meeting him, as far as he’s concerned, his life began the day he met the curly-haired boy with a big, bright smile who lived next door. 

He begged his mom every day of the summer to go to Harry’s house. Sometimes she would relent and let him go over, other times he would have to wait until a knock came at the door. He remembers his mom and Harry’s becoming good friends as the boys did. It was nice knowing his mom had someone, too. The summer was the best one he had ever had. So when it came to end in September, he cried to his mom that he never wanted to go to school. That was until she said the magical words, “Harry will be at school with you, though, love.” He stopped crying after that. 

On the first day of school, their moms made them stand on the porch of Harry’s house and take a bunch of pictures. His hair was all in his face, his collared shirt was tucked into his khaki shorts and his little Sketchers were a bright blue that stood out amongst the muted colors of his clothing. Harry didn’t look much better, he had this big toothy grin in every picture but having lost most of his teeth, it had only made him look silly. At least he had worn a t-shirt and athletic shorts that made his own pair of bright blue sneakers look more appropriate. Every time he looks at the pictures, he can’t help but smile at how young they were. How little they knew about what would happen to them. They were good times, the best even. 

The bus ride to school every day was spent looking out the window and talking each other’s ears off. But when you’re that young, your topics for conversations were usually limited to toys and cartoons. He remembers Harry asking about girls one day while on their way home. The boys in their school had been talking about which girls they had crushes on and they both realized that they had never even thought about them like that. They were just sort of in their class and sometimes they would drag him to one of the bridges on the playground to play house with them. But he liked playing with the girls more anyway, he never got pushed with them. He didn’t like to be pushed. Louis remembers telling him that he didn’t like any girls, Harry said he felt the same. 

But as the years passed, he remembers both of them starting to “date” girls more and more. On the playground in third grade, a girl named Kenzie had come up to him and Harry and asked to talk to Harry alone under the dinosaur slide. He watched them walk off and his stomach started to hurt, he had never felt that before. But he ignored it and sat on the bench to wait for him. He came over to him near the end of recess and told him he had a girlfriend. The weird feeling in his stomach came back. By the end of the school day, Harry and Kenzie had broken up and a different feeling was in his tummy. It felt like butterflies. Again, he ignored them. 

When they hit middle school was when Louis got himself his own girlfriend. A shy girl in their English class named Danielle. He thought she smelled nice. They dated for 2 weeks before he broke up with her. Harry gave him a hug. The butterflies were back. Every time he got a girlfriend and they broke up, he would get a hug. He dated a lot of girls that year and he got a lot of hugs. Each of them making his stomach flutter the same way it had the first time. 

They both decided to try out for the soccer team in seventh grade. Both of them had made it so they decided to have their numbers be 2 and 8. 28 was both of their favorite numbers so they decided it was a good way to share it. Soccer became Louis’ thing but he had a feeling that Harry didn’t enjoy it as much. Instead of soccer, he had played football the next year. Both of them had the number 28 on their respective teams. He doesn’t think he ever missed a football game that year and he remembers seeing his friend over on the sidelines of every game cheering for him as he played. It gave him butterflies but different ones than the hug ones. They were pleasant and always gave him a weird buzz. It made playing easier and it made their victories that much sweeter. 

Their freshman year of high school, their friendship started to change. No longer was it just them two in their little group. They had made friends with some boys on each of their teams. Niall and Zayn played soccer with Louis and Liam had been on the football team with Harry. The five of them started to hang out at Harry’s treehouse every weekend. He remembers dragging the bean bags up the ladder and setting everything up nice when Harry’s stepdad had finished building it. It became their spot. Around December of that year, they had their first real boy-girl party up in the treehouse. That night he had his first kiss when they played spin the bottle. He remembers when it came to his turn, he hesitantly put a finger to the glass Coca-Cola bottle and spun it in such a way that it would land on his girlfriend at the time, Eleanor. But it hadn’t landed on her. It landed on Harry. Everyone, including his girlfriend, had started to chant to kiss. 

He had asked him if it was okay and he only managed to nod. Both of them leaned in, eyes open for most of the way before he closed his eyes and quickly pecked his lips. It had been only a second, at most, but it had made the butterflies that seemed to live in his stomach flutter more than any hug ever had. It felt nice. When it came back to him and it landed on Eleanor this time, he didn’t get those butterflies. He felt disappointed. Louis thought something was wrong with him. For the longest time, he kept thinking that. 

Louis had slept over at Harry’s that night. They built a fort in his room and begged his mom to let them watch a scary movie in the living room. Anne had hesitantly agreed, as long as they promised to not stay up too late that night. They eagerly nodded and started to figure out what movie they wanted to watch. Eventually, they had settled on Nightmare on Elm Street, he stills has nightmares about that movie. During the movie, Harry had jumped and grabbed his hand in his fright. It was an impulsive move, one he had obviously not planned on doing but once their clammy teenage hands were clasped together, they stayed that way until the end of the movie. Neither of them ever spoke of it. Both of them knew though, deep down, only couples hold hands. All the juniors and seniors at school hold hands through the halls, it’s a sign to let everyone know “Hey, this one is mine.” He thought about the way his hand felt in Harry’s almost every night in bed for the next few months. A part of him thought maybe that was a bit weird because they were both boys and they were friends. Boys who are friends don’t hold hands in the first place but boys who hold hands with their friend who’s also a boy don’t stay in bed, staring at the glow stars on the ceiling thinking about how the other boy’s hand had felt clasped around his. Soon, the horror movie induced hand-holding incident had begun to have less of an effect on Louis and he stopped thinking about it as much. 

Their sophomore year, Zayn had moved away. It took a huge toll on the soccer team’s morale that year and they had lost most games. He remembers how Harry had brought a big sign and cheered the whole time, even while it was raining. It was the only reason he saw the season through. Harry had made varsity that year so he played in the big Homecoming game. They ended up going to the homecoming dance as a group with a few boys and girls. But they stayed together the whole time and even got a few pictures of just the two of them, joking around that they were each other’s date. When a slow song played, he grabbed Harry’s hand and led him to the dance floor where he had jokingly slow danced with him and even spun him around with a dramatic dip at the end. Every one had thought of it as a joke because it was. Right? 

The night after the dance they went back to Louis’ house and had a sleepover. During the fall and spring, he didn’t have a screen in his window and they could go out onto the roof of his house. Looking at the real stars had always beat looking at the ones stuck on his ceiling. They did it almost anytime they could. The fall night had a slight chill that they ignored, his shoulders began to shake in a slight shiver and Harry had moved closer to him. He put an arm around the back of him and squeezed his waist. His head came to rest on his shoulder. It helped. He pointed up at the sky, “That one, right there, it’s my favorite star. Not because it’s the brightest or because it’s apart of a constellation but because it’s average. Kind of like me.” 

Harry had looked at him for a while, not saying anything before speaking in his usual slow tone. His voice had deepened a lot this past year. “You’re anything but average.” 

He looked away from the stars and over at his friend. They stayed like that, arms wrapped around each other, out on his roof for longer than they normally would. Caught up in the feeling. The butterflies were moving around his stomach but he didn’t pay them any mind. It was that night under the stars where he had admitted it to himself for the first time ever. He felt it, like the chill in his bones, he knew what this was and what he was, _who_ he was. But he vowed to never speak a word to Harry about it. He could last two more years without revealing this. This secret could be his, only his. They had a lot of secrets shared between them. He deserved to keep one to himself, he had argued. 

That night, Harry hadn’t slept on the floor of his bedroom like he usually did since they had started high school. He slept on the bed next to him, a pillow wall between them. In their sleep, they had ignored the arbitrary barrier and woke up wrapped around each other. Both of them, in the thick of puberty, waking up with an...issue. They wordlessly slipped out of each other’s embrace and Louis headed into the bathroom to change and try to address his issue without directly addressing it. He went back to his room where he saw Harry had also changed and apparently addressed his own issue. They never spoke of it. 

To be fair, they didn’t speak of a lot of the weirder and less easily explained moments that they had between them. 

Their junior year had been the hardest year yet. Not only was school a pain in the groin but Louis was on the varsity soccer team this year and was feeling how different it was to be on this one rather than JV. But he made it through. Harry had only missed a game after he had sprained his wrist during a football game the day prior. They lost that one. But the two of them stayed strong, constantly hanging out and now, they would go to parties. Proper high school houseparties with red solo cups and cheap beer and unhealthy snacks and too many drunk, horny, emotional teenagers. Most of the time, they’d stay together but once and a while they’d split up and end up with girls. But Louis never ended up doing anything with any of the girls. He doesn’t know if Harry did. They didn’t ever speak about girls anymore. At one particular party, near the week of spring break, they had gotten themselves into a game of beer pong with some very good players. By the end of the game, they had lost and found themselves way drunker than they had ever been at a party before. They had stumbled through the house until they found a bedroom with no one in it. Louis handed him water and drank his own bottle. No way in hell were they going to go home this drunk, their moms would team up to kill them for sure. Harry had laid back on the bed and he followed suit. They had stayed like that talking for what felt like forever. He felt himself start to sober up and he got up to rest against the headboard. Harry moved to put his head on his lap. He had started growing his hair out, it was only around mid-length at the time but he ran his fingers through it. As he finished his water, he looked down at Harry who had been studying him intently. His fingers playing with the rips in Louis’ jeans. “Hey,” he had said to break the tension. 

“Hi,” he returned. 

They didn’t say anything else. 

His mom was already asleep by the time the two of them had gotten back to his house. They went up to his room, quietly as they could and undressed. The two of them a bit too drunk to care if they saw the other in their underwear. Harry had a drawer of clothes in his dresser because of how many times they’ve had unexpected sleepovers. He didn’t bother with a pillow wall. They would end up wrapped in each other’s arms in the morning no matter what. He fell asleep easily, always did when he felt Harry’s warm and calming presence next to him. When he woke up in the morning, he wasn’t surprised to feel a leg on top of his and a face curled into the crook of his neck. He let himself enjoy the feeling a bit longer than he normally would. But, all good things had to come to an end. He pulled his arm off of his torso and moved his legs out from under Harry’s. Slipping out of bed and across the hall to the bathroom. He thinks he saw Harry begin to stir after he left so he makes it quick and returns to him sitting up in bed and rubbing his eyes. “Everything…hurts,” he grumbled. 

Spring break was probably the most fun he had had in a while. Jay and Louis had joined Harry and his family on vacation that year. They had agreed on taking a cruise. It was his first time on a plane and his first time ever going on a family vacation, or at least one he would remember. The boys had gotten to share a room to themselves on the boat. They met some guys on the ship around their age who they spent a lot of their time with. Dean and Ken were brothers from somewhere in the Midwest. They were fun to talk to and play basketball with. On one of the days at a port, they managed to convince their moms to let them go off on their own for lunch. It was a good day. Gemma, Harry’s sister, had tagged along when they went on their adventures a lot of the time. She was a couple of years older than them and in college but this was the first year that their spring breaks had aligned and she wanted to spend as much time with her brother as possible. She had come up to Louis the final day of the cruise when Harry went off to get a drink. “So, when are you going to tell him?” 

He almost choked on his Coke. “What?” 

“Don’t play dumb. He feels the same, y’know.” 

“That--” She smirked. “You...No-- Okay. No.” 

“Mmmhm. Alright, I won’t say a word.” She sat back in chair and sipped her drink. 

Of course, he knew about his feelings for Harry, the same night he figured out his sexuality was when he figured out that the butterflies were because he liked his best friend. But that was scary and it could ruin the best thing that ever happened to him so he never let himself think too long about it. It was weird to be faced with it though. He might have figured out they existed but he never confronted them, at least not directly. For a long while, he thought about what Gemma had said that day. About Harry having feelings for him. He never let himself dwell on it, it would only set up for heartbreak and pain. 

When they went back to school he told Harry that he had applied to a couple of colleges. He remembers how excited he had gotten for him, even though all of them were out of state. One of them was even out of the country. He remembers how genuine the smile on his face was. It stuck with him and kept him going. Both of them had known that they were likely not going to end up at the same college but the reality of that had hit them harder than expected. The night before the first day of their senior year they had cried and hugged one another tighter than they ever had. Louis had already gotten into 3 of the 4 colleges he applied too. All of them colleges Harry would apply to. They knew that this was their last year together. They were growing up, faster than they had realized. “Getting old sucks,” Louis had said quietly when they had calmed down a bit. 

He hugged him tightly and gave him a soft, “Yeah.” 

Harry pressed a kiss to his hair, a gesture he did often, and got up from his bed. He had to get home, they both knew that but it was still hard. They promised to spend all the time they could together. This would be their year. Last year had been difficult because of all of the school work and subsequent stress but this year was all easy classes. Both of them had early releases and late arrivals and both could drive.

This was their year, nothing and no one could take that from them. 

They stayed true to their word, making sure to hang out as often as possible and go to every dance there possibly was. All the football and soccer games were attended and cheered at. The last game of the football season, Louis had made a sign for him with his name and number with a cutout of his face. The following day, it was taped up on the wall of his room with Louis’ signature at the bottom. Every time he went to Harry’s room to hang out he smiled at it. It meant a lot that he had kept it. 

On Christmas Eve and Louis’ birthday, they had gone over to Harry’s house. They exchanged presents and eventually, the two snuck away to his bedroom where they exchanged more gifts. It was their tradition to give each other little gifts in front of their families but more meaningful ones alone together in his room. He pulls the small gift box from the pocket of his jacket, he had wrapped it as neat as he possibly could and placed a bow on it and everything. A simple: “To Harry. From Louis” was written in the corner. They swapped hands and he stared at it for a moment. It was a thin gift, barely 2 inches thick with red wrapping paper covering it. He tore away the tape on the side and began to take it apart. Harry started to do the same. As he got most of it off, it was clear was it was. “The vinyl. I can’t…” he felt a tear forming in his eye. “I can’t believe you-you remembered.” 

“Oh Lou, ‘course I remembered.” 

He had told him a story a few months prior about his father. He didn’t really have many memories of him before he had died but one especially fond one was this one spring day. It had been raining for a while but when he had looked out the window, it had stopped. For the first time in his life, he had seen a rainbow. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He had run into the kitchen to drag his father to the window. He pointed to it but it had already disappeared. He started to cry that he wanted to see the rainbow but his dad only hugged him and said he’d have to wait for another day to see a real one but if he wanted to see one he had an idea. His dad had taken his hand and brought him into the garage where he searched through a crate of old records. Eventually, he had found the one he had been looking for. He handed him the Pink Floyd vinyl with a strip of a rainbow on the cover. Louis’ face had immediately lit up and he traced it. 

Now, he did the same thing to the record that Harry had given him. He felt the tears welling over and sliding down his cheek. Harry’s finger reached out and wiped it quickly. They stayed like that, his hand on his face and eyes locked intensely until they both smiled. Harry began to open his own again. He had gotten him a pearl necklace. The two had joked that they would go with any and every outfit. It was a kind of expensive gift but worth it. His face had lit up and he took it from the box and handed it to Louis. “Put it on me?” 

He nodded and got behind his back. He put his hands on his neck and moved the hair, which had grown quick long now, out of the way. He clasped the necklace and came back to face him. “You look perfect.” he meant it with every fiber of his being. 

They stayed like that, just sitting on his bedroom floor in comfortable silence and admiring their gifts until Anne knocked on the door and told them dinner was done. Harry had helped to bake him a cake earlier that he was excited to cut into. He was a skilled baker. The guy was skilled at pretty much everything though so it was no surprise that he could bake the best cake you have ever and will ever eat. In frosting, the words “Happy Birthday Louis!” were spelled out with a smiley face in the bottom right corner. It was one with x’s in the eyes. His smiley. 

That night was one of the best of his whole life. It had been perfect from start to finish and he’s not sure he will ever forget the pure joy he felt. When he laid in bed that night, he was practically buzzing with elation. Harry made him feel light and gave his step a bounce that no one else could give it. He loved him. 

He would always love him. 

Their senior year was their best year of high school. He’s not sure there was one day of it he didn’t have one good memory from. As the snow on the ground melted and the grass got greener, it began to sink in that the end was nearing. He was almost done with high school. Soon enough, he’d be at college and away from Harry and his mom and everything would be completely different. His life turned upside down. That thought had been looming since the first day but it hadn’t sunk in, at least not completely, until the day he passed the elementary school on the way to the store to pick up a few things. He had looked over at the playground and noticed a few kids playing. It had felt like just a few days ago he had been one of those kids. Hanging from the yellow bars until his hands hurt and getting shocked by the build-up of static electricity in the slides and pumping his legs to go higher and higher on the swings until it hurt. 

Graduation was somehow the best and worst day of his life. He had walked across the stage, shaking hands with the principal with a smile and accepting his diploma and then he sat silently as people made speeches. It was incredibly boring but he didn’t want it to end. He didn’t want this to be over. Not yet. When it was over, he found Harry. He had immediately told him that one of the guys from his team was having a massive graduation party. They decided to go. 

Their last high school party was their best one yet. The guy, Kyle he thinks, had enough alcohol to get everyone there blackout drunk. He and Harry took so many shots, he started to enjoy the burn that it gave his throat. The pool was open in the backyard and they stripped to their underwear and jumped in. Splashing about like kids. Louis doesn’t think he’s ever had that much fun in a pool before. It takes everything he has to get out and go home. They get into Louis’ bed, something they’ve done a million times before. Harry’s leg falls between his and his arm comes to rest around him. His head moves to the space between his neck and his chest. He hums quietly and the feeling of it manages to send a shiver-like feeling through his whole body. His fingers start to play the hem of his shirt and he feels Harry press a light kiss through his shirt before looking up at him carefully. “We’re just drunk.” 

“Yeah,” he lets out a small sigh, “I know.” They don’t move from the position. 

They spend their summer together, enjoying it before Louis has to move. He got accepted at Columbia earlier in the year while Harry had got accepted at a school on the West Coast. They had known for months that they would be going their separate ways for college. Of course, they knew. But sitting on his porch that July after packing his car full of his things is what does him in. They make the trip to New York together, with his mom following them to help them set up his dorm, take Harry home and say goodbye. It’s an average, albeit a bit sad, road trip. A few hours of driving before stopping for food and a bathroom break. Harry begs for McDonald’s and he was never one to turn him down. When they get there and get stuck in the chaos of the city, they stop talking and singing. There’s a tension hanging in the car that doesn’t go away until Harry finally speaks up after they’ve finished up making his dorm room, his. “Will you at least try to keep in touch?” 

“Of course. We can text and facetime. I’ll see you during the holiday breaks, yeah?” Harry nods. “Yeah. We’ll be okay,” he says. 

Harry looks to the wall and traces his finger on the vinyl he had given him for Christmas/his birthday. “I’m gonna miss you.” 

“I’m gonna miss you too.” They grab each other and stay held in their tightest hug yet. “So much.” 

His mom comes in with food a bit later and smiles at the boys who are still close together on Louis’ new bed. She tells Harry they should get going but leaves them alone to talk for a few minutes. They don’t talk, instead, they hugging each other so tight it starts to hurt. Not another word is shared between them. Harry gives him a silent wave, similar to the one he had done the first day they had met. Way back when, when life was simple. Their only cares were toys and cartoons. Not money and college. He remembers that day like it was yesterday because it felt like it was just yesterday that he met the best thing that ever happened to him. As he left the room, he could only cry and think about all the good times they shared. Even the bad ones. 

But it turns out alright. He makes some new friends and his roommate is nice enough. Louis officially declares to the world that he’s gay. Going so far as to go to a gay bar. He meets a nice enough guy named Elliot. As the weeks go on and they flirt and hang out more and more, they become a couple. When holiday break comes up, so does an unexpected blizzard. Elliot had gone home a week earlier and was already back in Indiana. The weather was so bad he couldn’t get home that year. He ended up alone on his birthday and Christmas. Harry facetimed him every day but it wasn’t the same. He would give anything to feel his arms wrapped tightly around him. Squeezing him and laughing until their ribs started to hurt. Whenever he felt himself missing Harry too much, he would take the record off the shelf it rested on and hold it to his chest. He’d think about Homecoming dance their sophomore year, the football game where Harry practically won the whole thing, their first time at a high school party and the graduation party. Louis thought about how Harry was the thing that made him whole. 

Elliot calls him that night and tells him how much he misses him. He ends up feeling like an ass because he hadn’t even thought of him. That was the first hint that things wouldn’t end up lasting between them. A few weeks after the holiday break they end up agreeing to end things romantically and stay friends. They work better platonically anyways. Besides, “it’s hard to focus on a boyfriend when you’re still in love with your high school best friend,” Elliot had said the day they broke up. He knew deep down that he was right. 

But he doesn’t end up seeing Harry again. Even when he gets home, Harry isn’t there. They haven’t seen each other since that day in his dorm during his freshman year. He doesn’t even come to his graduation. The dull pain he feels every time he thinks of Harry goes away after the fifth year of not seeing him. He thinks he’s finally over him. 

He gets a job in the city at a smaller finance company. It pays well enough for an entry-level job and he’s sure with enough time he could work his way up the corporate ladder. It’s a great place for him to get his foot in the door. His coworkers are all kind enough, a lot of them older. He gets along with the interns since they’re only about 3 years younger than him but there’s this other guy he works with who’s around 26. He’s smart as a whip and charming and reminds him of Harry. His eyes are the same shade of green and he has the same sense of humor. It brings back the ache in his chest. They end up hanging out at a pub after work one night. His friend, Stan, has been living in the city since he was a kid. As a teen, he knew his way around pretty much every street in Manhattan. He’s a fun guy to go out with. 

They end up drinking a few beers and playing darts with some of Stan’s friends. They’re all nice enough guys. He’s on his third beer when he feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns around, expecting it to be Stan or a random stranger attempting to flirt with him but the face that stares back at him isn’t either of those. It’s him. It’s Harry. 

“What are you--When did--” He stops talking and just hugs him tightly. 

Immediately, Harry returns the embrace just as tight. “I’ve missed you.” 

“I’ve missed you too.” And he means it. Oh god, he means it so much. 

They spend the night as if they hadn’t spent any time apart at all. They catch up and tell all of their weird college stories. Then he finds out the best news he’s heard in years, Harry _lives_ in the city now. He had gotten a job offer for an advertisement company with headquarters here and he jumped at the opportunity. It’s only been a few days and he was going to reach out soon anyways. He’s so relieved. Louis finally has his best friend back. 

Every night since has been spent at one of their apartments, Harry either cooking or Louis ordering takeout, just enjoying each other’s company. He doesn’t think either of them realized how much they had missed the other. It feels like no time at all had passed. Like they’re back in high school sitting out on his roof staring up at the stars. That’s the thing though that sucks about the city, you can’t see the stars. He misses them. He thinks Harry does too. 

He sits on the couch next to Harry. “I don’t know whether, uh, you know or not but I figure you should hear it, from me,” he starts. “I’m gay.” 

“Oh,” Harry says. “I’m, um, I’m bi.” 

And that’s it. They never speak about either of their sexualities again. It’s nice knowing that he doesn’t care and that he himself likes guys. It’s comforting almost. A small part of him gains some hope that maybe something could happen between them but he squashes that. Harry is too important. They’ve spent enough time apart for a whole lifetime. He can’t jeopardize this by telling him dumb feelings. It was the same reason he didn’t say anything in high school. And yet, he still finds himself fantasizing about what it would be like to cross the friendship barrier with him. He wonders if Harry ever thinks about it, too. 

They go out with Stan again that weekend. It’s not the same pub that they had reconnected at, it’s a bit nicer and the drinks are a little pricier but they have a good time nonetheless. There’s a small booth that they’re sitting beside each other in. Stan and his friend, John, get up to get some more drinks. Their legs are pressed together, from thigh to knee, the contact making his whole body feel warm. His face is uncomfortably hot by the time they get back with the drinks. He tries to cool himself down with the beer but to no avail. Harry’s arm is resting on the back of the booth behind him. When he leans back he can feel his arm on his neck. He feels a hand on his thigh, signaling for him to get out of the booth. Harry gets out and excuses himself to the bathroom. Stan starts to ask him how the two met and it takes his mind off it for a bit. Then he squeezes back in beside him but somehow closer and all he can smell is whatever cologne he has on. It’s pleasant and more intoxicating than the alcohol in his system. 

They decide to shoot some pool when a table opens up and Louis is surprisingly good at it. Harry, not so much. He helps him, showing him how to place his arms and such. He’s a fast learner, always was. They end up winning. He and Harry end up gloating the rest of the night. 

Stan and John end up leaving at around 1 am. They also head out not long after. Louis’ place is closer and neither of them really wants to take a taxi so they walk the few blocks to his apartment. He gets inside and immediately kicks his shoes off. Leaning against the door to do it. Harry follows suit. They end up giggling like little kids as they climb in bed together. The covers are warm but he’s even warmer, especially when Harry’s bare skin is pressed against his own. He curls in closer and he feels him press a light kiss to his hair, something he’s done a million times before. They fall asleep like that, still giggling a bit. 

He doesn’t really know how it happened but instead of renewing his lease, Harry moves into his place. Louis already had a two-bedroom apartment and he practically lived there already. It only makes sense. Plus now he has someone to help him with the rent. It only makes sense. He keeps wondering if he’s trying to convince someone else or himself of that. Harry cooks dinner most nights now too, which is probably the best part of them living together. He was never a good cook. 

Their friendship is still as strong as it was when they were in high school, somehow even stronger. They trust each other completely, it’s evident even in the small things like how they move around each other in the apartment. Never invading too much space but still being comfortable enough to be close. He doesn’t hesitate to rest his head on Harry’s shoulder when they watch movies in the living room and doesn’t think twice about going up at random times to give him a quick hug. Harry will kiss his hair and come to sleep in his bed on nights when he just doesn’t want to be alone. It’s all very domestic. 

He buys a bottle of vodka and some seltzer that weekend. It had been a hell week at work, meeting after meeting, all about the most boring things anyone could ever have to talk about for hours on end. But it’s his job so he sucks it up and does it anyway. Now, he wants to get drunk and have some fun with his best friend. They set up in the living room, some romantic comedy playing on the TV while they joke around. Like usual, they’re close together on the couch. Harry has an arm around him and keeps pressing his head against him when he laughs. 

At some point, he must have said something especially funny because his forehead comes to rest against his own and it stays there. Their laughter dying in their throats, replacing by the quick hitch of breath. His face is so close and he can see his eyes flicking down to look at his lips, studying the shape of them. Louis knows his face is a crimson color because of how unbearably hot it grows. He’s melting under the gaze of a man he’s known for more years than he can count. But every time he tries to pull away to break the growing tension, he can’t. The issue is neither of them can seem to move any closer. So the thick layer of arousal and mutual pining only builds up around them. He feels like he’s sinking, falling deeper and deeper into the water. Louis hasn’t a clue what he’ll find at the bottom. 

The movie ends, making the room’s silence even more deafening. All that can be heard is their breathing which is growing more and more rapid as they stay there, locked in on each other. He feels Harry’s arm start to move in an attempt to cup his cheek. Like he had the night of the graduation party, he wants to know what it feels like to have his large hand holding his face like it’s the world. Harry’s always looked at him like he hung the moon and the stars, it just took him too long to realize that. As soon as he feels his fingers, they’re rough on the sensitive skin of his face, he starts to lean closer in. His eyes flick quickly from his face back to his lips and he sees his adam’s apple bob. It’s almost comforting to know he’s just as nervous about this. 

It’s soft at first, barely even a kiss, a reminder of their first kiss in the treehouse, but it quickly changes to something faster and more desperate. The hand that was holding his face has found its way into his hair. His tongue goes along Harry’s bottom lip, making the hand in his hair tug a bit. The kiss only deepens from there. He forgets how to even breathe. Harry becomes the oxygen that his cells need, the blood pumping through his veins, his nerve endings are alight with all of the sensations. His lips on his, the hand tugging lightly at his mess of hair, the other hand that’s slipped under his t-shirt, the leg resting under his own. Louis swings his leg to properly straddle him and Harry gets the courage to pull his shirt off him. His hands roam around the exposed skin, his lips making their way to his chest. 

He presses soft kisses at first. Delicate ones. He makes his way down his torso and holds his hips in place while he sucks at the sensitive skin. He nips a bit which makes him jump but Harry only pushes him down more and does it again. His hands move to the button of his jeans, his eyes quickly meet his own and he nods his approval a bit too eagerly. They get dropped onto the floor quickly along with Harry’s shirt. Louis attempts to gain control again, using his legs to hold his legs. He squeezes lightly as he presses his lips to the thin skin of his neck. When he gives the skin a quick bite he hears Harry wince quietly and he feels his legs clench together. He does it again. Trailing kisses and light bites down his torso he takes off his jeans. The friction had been nice but right now he just needs _him._

His hands play at the waistband for a moment before he pulls them completely off. He’s seen him in his underwear before but never in a context like this and never while he was also in the same state of undress. His hand grips around and he sees his eye roll back. It only spurs him on more and he keeps going. Harry’s hands squeeze at his biceps as his mouth goes around him. He’s done this before so he knows what to expect but the realization that he’s doing this with Harry doesn’t sink in until his dick is down his throat. He hears him moan and grumble a quick “I’m gonna--” before he can taste salt and feels it slide down his throat. 

He crawls back up beside him. “Fuck,” 

“Yeah.” 

They sit there a moment longer. “What does this mean? Y’know, for like...us?” Louis starts. “I mean does this mean there’s an us or are we just like friends but with benef--” 

Harry interrupts his train of thought by pressing his lips against his. “We can figure that out.” 

He instantly calms. “Okay.” 

They don’t talk about it. Sure, they keep kissing and doing things but they don’t put any sort of label on it. He wants to have that conversation with him but every time he tries they end up kissing and then it just isn’t the right time. Apparently the right time is never, according to Harry. Louis wants a real relationship with him. He’s been in love with the guy for as long as he’s known him and he fucking feels the same way, which would be more than enough for him to die a happy man but the fact that he doesn’t want to talk about it is what’s worrying him. 

A couple of nights after the initial incident they order takeout and sit on the couch together. They end up cuddled up together watching a movie and talking. He decides this is his chance. “Hey, can we talk for a sec?” 

“Course.” He puts a piece of chicken in his mouth. “What’s up?” 

“I’m just thinking--I have been thinking, um, what are we?” He asks bluntly. 

“We’re Louis and Harry. Always have been.” 

He sits back. “Why? Why don’t you want to put a label on this? Is the idea of being in a relationship with me _that bad_ that you can’t even talk to me about the possibility?” 

He had blurted it out without really thinking about it. The second he says it he sees Harry’s eyes lose the happy twinkle and he immediately knows he fucked up. He looks hurt. His eyes are silently yelling “how could you?” and even though it’s not his words saying those things it hurts all the same. The arm around him moves and he goes to pick up his takeout container. He doesn’t speak a word as he silently moves through the kitchen. Silently, he grabs Louis’ and retreats back to the kitchen. He knows he’ll talk when he’s ready to but it’s only been a few minutes of this silence and it’s already starting to kill him. When he comes back out he just grabs his phone and goes to his room. Shutting the door behind him.

Louis gets up from the couch and goes to his own room. He knows why he had said it. It was just getting to be too much for him. He’s the kind of person who likes to have a label, to be able to put something in a pretty little box and stack it on top of a bunch of other boxes. He likes that sort of order and categorization. And he knows Harry, knows he isn’t that type. He’s free and likes to be himself, his label is just Harry Styles, not Harry Styles and a bunch of subcategories. It shouldn’t have even been a surprise when he didn’t want to talk about what this whole situation meant and what they were calling it. Especially only a couple of nights in. He was just so frustrated because he’s been in love with him for so long and he’s so close to having everything he’s ever wanted with him. But of course, he has to fuck it all up. It’s as if he got to the end of the marathon, so close he can see the finish line and only then did his legs give out. Not midway through when you’ve already done so much but you know deep down you just can’t or at the start when you just know that hurting your pride is better than hurting your body for the next month. He’s right there. So close. His legs are burning but the cheers of the people at the end are what’s keeping him going but just as he’s there, he fucks it all up by blurting out the one thing he should’ve just kept to himself for a bit. 

It keeps him up for the majority of the night. Tossing and turning in the bed that feels too big and too empty and too cold without Harry in it. He misses his warmth and how his nose seems to fit perfectly in the crook of his neck. His breathing, usually a slow and constant noise, is replaced by the loud air conditioning unit in the corner of the room. The mechanical hum keeps starting and stopping. He debates chucking a pillow at it. It was an asshole move, he knows that. When he does finally fall asleep, it’s not nearly as deep or restful as the night’s that he has Harry in bed with him. His neck feels sore and his back is aching and his head is killing him. He feels as bad physically as he does emotionally. At least with all of those things he can pop ibuprofen and lay down and feel better. If only they had something like that but for heartaches. 

He can smell food in the kitchen when he wakes up and makes his way out. “Hi,” he says. 

Harry doesn’t give him a response, instead, he sets down a plate of food on the little table in their kitchen. “I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have...pushed like that.” Nothing. 

Louis decides to cut his losses and just eat the breakfast in front of him. He always loved the way he made his scrambled eggs. Fluffy and light but still filling. Perfect with a side of crispy bacon and a cup of orange juice. Sunlight is shining through the big window in their kitchen, he always loves to do the dishes when the sun’s like that. It always spurs on his imagination. He picks up his plate and runs the tap, grabbing a sponge and dabbing a bit of dish soap on it. As he cleans the dishes in the sink, he thinks back on one day when they were in middle school. 

It had been late spring, close to the last day of the school judging by the buzz of excited chatter. They were having an assembly, code for getting out of learning to just sit around in the air-conditioned auditorium. Their principal, an older man with thin glasses and a small bald spot, was talking to them about what to expect when they were to move up and become high schoolers. Adults always said high school would be the best four years of your life, and they were partly right. He had a lot of the freedoms of an adult without the stress that comes with paying for bills and working and kids. But nothing compares to having total control over your life. Getting to choose your own destiny and not letting someone else determine every little thing that you do. He likes that about being an adult. 

He puts the last dish on the drying rack and he walks into the living room where Harry is sitting. His feet up on the coffee table, he looks relaxed. Before he can think twice he walks out, “Look, I just--I’m just,” he knows what he wants to say but he can’t seem to get it out. “I’m in love with you. I’m truly, madly, deeply in love with you. Okay? So when you didn’t want to talk about what we were it scared me because I’ve been in love with you for so fucking long and finally I was so close to being able to have everything that I’ve ever wanted. And I snapped and it was wrong of me, I know that, but Harry, I love you. I never want to stop loving you.” Outburst over. 

Harry can only look at him, mouth still slightly open. He gets up from where he’s sitting and walks over to Louis. He grabs him, putting both hands on his face and kisses him. “I love you too. God, I’ve loved you for so long, Lou.” They’re both smiling bright enough to put the sun to shame. 

“Good.” He kisses him. “Harry Edward Styles, be my boyfriend?” 

“Always.” 

They continue to tell each other every chance they get that they love each other. When they wake up, when they make breakfast, when they watch TV together, when he gets home from work, when they eat dinner, in between kisses, during sex, when they’re falling asleep. It’s a simple reminder that no matter what, they have each other. They always have and Louis knows they always will. 

When the holidays come around, they travel home. Their families, surprisingly, are not surprised. Jay and Anne share a similar look of “I told you so” and Gemma can only hit them both for not telling her sooner. They’ve been blended for so long that not much changes except when they exchange presents and instead of a thank-you hug, it’s a thank-you kiss. Everything about it feels natural. As if this is how it was always meant to be. Deep down, he knows that’s true. He’s always loved Harry and Harry has always loved him, even if they didn’t know it yet. 

Their one year anniversary sneaks up on them quicker than they realize. Instead of gifts, they decide to take a trip to London. Both of them had always wanted to go. Unlike their first vacation together during spring break, they spend most of it in their hotel room. But they get out to the touristy areas and go on a proper date at a fancy restaurant. It’s much too expensive for what it is but it was never about the food, it was about the experience anyway. 

But when they do get back to New York, they’re glad to return to their little apartment. With floors that creak at every little movement and walls so thin, they can hear the neighbors breathe. It’s their home. The home that they created with each other. It’ll always be special. No matter if it’s the grandest and expensive penthouse in the upper east side of Manhattan or a small shack in the middle of Wyoming, it’s still their’s. 

He gets back from work, his feet dragging on the floor. Harry smiles and greets him with a kiss. The guy is awfully happy for someone who worked a full day but that’s somehow normal for the guy. He’s already got dinner cooking and it smells so good he might just drop to his knees and suck him off now. Harry comes in a bit later and tells him the food is all done. There’s a candle set up on their little dining table with two plates. It’s just pasta with marinara sauce but something about it makes it the best meal he thinks he’s ever tasted. Throughout the whole dinner, Harry seems to be nervous, which is a weird shift from his normal happy self. Once they’ve finished he practically gushes about how great of a cook he is and how much he loves his cooking, practically a verbal blowjob. Harry only nods and smiles. 

He gets up and puts the plates in the sink. When he sits back down, he grabs his hand. “Lou, I was thinking about something.” 

“Oh no, you...thinking…” he laughs lightly at his own joke but Harry stays silent. Weird. 

“I’m trying to be serious here.” 

Louis smiles. “Okay. Okay.” 

“Lou, I’ve loved you for so long. Before I even really knew what the word meant. There were so many times I wanted to tell you, trust me, but you beat me to it.” He laughs, “I figured I should be the one to beat you to this.” He starts to reach into his pocket and the realization sinks in. 

He’s _proposing._ “Harry.” 

“Please.” He pulls the velvet box out and opens it. Inside is a silver band. “I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make you as happy as you make me. So, Louis, will you marry me? Please say yes.” Harry says. 

Louis tries to find the words but can only nod until he lets out a small but sure, “Yes.” and he means it so much that it physically hurts. Never had he ever been so sure of something as when he said yes to Harry. Actually, maybe that’s wrong, he might have been even more sure when had proudly said the words “I do” at the alter months later. 

The butterflies he had felt all those years ago for the first time come back to flutter in his stomach. A reminder of how care they had truly come from two kids who didn’t understand how much they love each other to two grown adults who probably still don’t realize the amount they love one another. He wishes he could go back and tell his younger self that the boy next door to him that he just saw through his window will be the man he marries. That young boy struggled with finding the words to describe why he didn’t feel anything for girls, not understanding the concept of being gay or being straight. All he knew was that his best friend gave his tummy this funny feeling that was almost pleasant. That preteen that struggled with figuring out why seeing glimpses of Harry through his window without a shirt on made blood rush to places it normally didn’t go. That teenage boy who foolishly kept his feelings and his sexuality to himself instead of telling him. That college boy who he spent all those years being less happy than he could have been. Louis wonders what he might think in 10 years. What will he want to say to this current Louis? Tell him to live a little bit or get outdoors probably. Maybe tell him to give in and let Harry get a pet. He’ll figure it out. It seems like he always does. 

All Louis has known for certain is that he loves Harry Styles, and that’s all that matters really.

**Author's Note:**

> so um leave a comment/kudos? 
> 
> my twitter is @hayleycclark if you want to talk about anything (fic related or not lol)


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